heal the past, live the present, dream the future

hamesha

2011-11-14T16:37:00.004+08:00

Meet Aishah;

The most beautiful girl I've ever met. She's that one person on whose face you can see the beauty of her soul. I pray the best for you, baby.

Always.

Love you!

pretence

2011-11-11T03:53:00.001+08:00

40 kinds of sadness

2011-11-11T03:49:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, it hurts to look back and see how truly flawed the people you love are. It does not hurt because you feel cheated, it hurts because you then realize that all this while, they have hidden it from you.

"The truth hurts"

I am still a firm believer of this saying.

2011-08-16T03:09:00.001+08:00

tumble

2011-08-14T14:40:00.000+08:00

http://wordsfallshort.tumblr.com/

downfall

2011-08-14T01:19:00.001+08:00

Your greatest flaw?

You bail.

When things get hard, you bail.

Drawing the line and watching it fall

2011-08-10T14:40:00.001+08:00

Well I can't explain why it's not enough

'Cause I gave it all to you

And if you leave me now

Oh just leave me now

It's the better thing to do

Well it's time to surrender

It's too long pretending

There's no use in trying

When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh don't misunderstand how I feel

'Cause I've tried, yes I've tried

But still I don't know why

No I don't know why

I don't know why

Deb Caletti

2011-08-10T01:48:00.002+08:00

"The loneliness you feel with another person, the wrong person, is the loneliest of all."

on repeat

2011-07-30T23:17:00.001+08:00

I'd erase my thoughts if only I knew how
Fill my head with white noise
If it would drown you out, kill the sound

a waste of space

2011-07-30T23:05:00.003+08:00

What right have you got to feel frustrated, really? I didn't even ask for you to stick around with me. I didn't even tell you to make me feel better. If truly you wanted to be there for me, you wouldn't have lamented. You wouldn't have grumbled. You wouldn't have made it seem like I'm being difficult. There are problems in my head that even I can't understand.. So who are you to tell me how I should feel/think? I don't get you.

You think you're all that great don't you? Thinking that you're helping me, thinking that I'm going to you every time something happens.. Haha. Shame on you sweetheart. I doubt you understand the meaning of sincerity then.

If really I was such a pain, leave. Leave. And no, I will not regret saying this. Because I didn't even tell you to fucking stay in the first place.

Pfft.

2011-07-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

“Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”

—	Louis de Bernieres

2011-07-05T21:55:00.001+08:00

ah okay aku dah start bingit dah malas tau tak i dont know what you want already buat semua macam tak kena tanya tak nak jawab, tanya, selalu cakap happy je. kalau happy kenapa kau macam siak? ahhhh geram rimas penat. the 3 emotions yang selalu looming above my head.. i really need this. and now i know why i truly need this. because of you.

because.of.you.

Satin

2011-06-28T00:31:00.002+08:00

I have a current obsession with the colour red as of late.

"Dark red is associated with vigor, willpower, rage, anger, leadership, courage, longing, malice, and wrath."

Haha. Took the words right out of my mouth.

inevitable

2011-06-23T08:57:00.001+08:00

I'm afraid it's already happening. I'm used to you being away.. But that does not mean I love you any lesser, it just means I won't miss you as much anymore.

2011-05-18T21:29:00.002+08:00

When those tears fall,

When the tears which are filled with regret and remorse,

When the raising of your hands doesn't mean you lose,

When you know just what is it you haven't been doing right....

When you know it's Him you've been missing.

2011-04-06T20:18:00.002+08:00

It's going to be tough, Natasha. It is. But you've got to keep yourself together and stand firm. You've got believe because otherwise all your dreams will keep moving further away from you. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, so what are you waiting for? It's going to be difficult. Who said it was going to be easy anyway? Suck it up.

thoughts

2011-03-13T13:54:00.001+08:00

It is what it is. It doesn't have to be anymore than that. Because I wouldn't want it any other way.

Case closed.

eat this

2011-03-08T18:28:00.001+08:00

"You can't keep fucking with someone's feelings just because you're unsure of yours."

rollercoaster

2011-03-06T13:44:00.004+08:00

I guess there are some things that I would never be able to comprehend.

Not everybody wins, aye?

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

someone like you

2011-03-04T16:57:00.001+08:00

I am not perfect, I get that. But neither are you. So why do you get to be the one who makes me feel like I'm not good enough? Why do you always make me doubt myself.. When my ~~love~~feelings for you couldn't be anymore true? What more must I do to prove to you I am sure, I am certain and that I wouldn't do anything to sabotage what we've got.

You tell me you think I'm unsure. Couldn't I say the same thing to you?

This is not who I am. I am not usually this fragile. I am not usually this afraid. Make a choice please. Whether you wish to fall deeper, or to fall out. Make a choice, and make it quick. Because all you are doing is hurting yourself.

2011-02-06T20:37:00.001+08:00

"Just because the past is painful, doesn’t mean the future will be. So never let events from the past, change the events for the future. Or you will be miserable forever."

Oh, believe me you.. I'm trying so hard.

2011-02-02T17:08:00.002+08:00

"It's really only 45 minutes, and if you allow time for taking off clothes, making some phoney gesture of affection, having a bit of banal conversation and getting dressed again, the amount of time spent actually having sex is about eleven minutes. Eleven minutes. The world revolved around something that only took eleven minutes."

There is so much depth in this one paragraph. Loving my not-so-new read.. Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes.

2011-02-02T17:07:00.001+08:00

2011-02-02T16:47:00.002+08:00

There are so many things I shouldn't be bothered by... But I am. How do I go around it? How do I make sure I'm more laid back, and not so uptight. Sometimes I think I have had enough, but I question myself what is 'enough'? Who determines what's enough?

Someone tell me, because I can't seem to figure it out.

2011-01-27T00:27:00.000+08:00

Social Libra, you usually prefer to go to an exciting resort or to a big city with plenty of hip restaurants, cafþs and clubs, and a smattering of chic boutiques. Your sign has a knack for knowing "what's hot and what's not" far earlier than the rest of us do. You have an excellent radar, Libra.

You like to see and be seen, so places for Libra to consider include South Hampton, New York City, Martha's Vineyard, Palm Beach, Rio de Janeiro, the South Beach Miami or Beverly Hills. You like to go where the nightlife is hopping, where the people are beautiful, the scenery is gorgeous, the shopping lively and the city or town is culturally sophisticated. After all, luxury- loving Venus is your ruler.

Your sign does not enjoy sleeping on a small cot, pullout bed or in an RV. You'd opt for a hotel that offers a spacious room with a view, plenty of European goose down pillows, Egyptian cotton sheets and soft, snuggly comforter encased in an elegant white cotton duvet. Add beautifully scented body gel, thick terry robes, a private Jacuzzi, room service and chocolates on the pillows, and you'd be blissfully relaxed.

As much as you love to see lots of new and interesting places, you won't spend all your time sightseeing, dear Libra. Typically, you will visit people you know who live in the city you're visiting, and spend long nights getting caught up at a sidewalk restaurant or cafþ. Libra cannot imagine being alone when travelling. To you, real fun involves being part of a fun-loving crowd! Running into people you know on vacation is an exciting, serendipitous pleasure!

2011-01-04T17:34:00.003+08:00

You know, sometimes I think you don't know what you want. So you go back and forth because you have no bloody idea what is it you want to stick with. And that's okay, it's pretty normal actually. Somedays we forget what we want, what we've wanted for a long time.

What frustrates me though, is that you deny it.

2010-12-27T06:45:00.001+08:00

Awake, in a foreign land, at 1:45am, finishing an assignment. My idea of a vacation. Surely.

2010-12-21T22:39:00.000+08:00

54. Fifty four. Lima puluh empat. It's a goal I must reach.

2010-12-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

Fuck you insecurities. Argh.

2010-12-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

I'm never going to be good enough for you am I? So tell me. At which point exactly should I just stop trying altogether, and leave?

density

2010-12-17T23:54:00.003+08:00

The thing about life is that.. It goes beyond just love, friends and family. It goes beyond the perfect career, money, and even sex. All of us, we know this. We know this fact by heart but sometimes, we forget. And when we forget, there's just no one around to shake us and make us realise that we've derailed from what actually really matters, because everyone around us too, have forgotten.

Like me. I forget most of the time. But I'm begging for someone who would tell me to fucking wake up when I do forget. Where IS this person?

2010-12-16T19:39:00.001+08:00

I don't usually make resolutions when a new year appears, but..... for 2011, just 1 concrete resolution.

Get out of Singapore, to somewhere tropical, somewhere in Asia and to some place with beaches.

That is all.

2010-12-16T18:48:00.001+08:00

Oh dear oh dear, we are so different

thankful

2010-12-09T03:52:00.002+08:00

I think today is the day I feel most grateful. At least most grateful since a few months. Truth be told, I feel ashamed. For not feeling grateful often enough. Sometimes, we get so overwhelmed and so caught up with all the negativity around us.. We forget how very lucky we are.

Today, tonight, 9.12.10, I'm pushing away all the negativity. Because I now remember how blessed I truly am.

Thankful for so many things. For everything. For anything at all.

:')

2010-12-06T05:14:00.001+08:00

I miss you. :(

the truth

2010-12-05T04:08:00.003+08:00

Trying to be perfect, trying not to let you down

Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now

While the floors underneath our feet are crumbling,

The walls we built together, tumbling

I still stand here holding up the roof..

Because it's easier than telling the truth

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning

And the let rain come in..

Stop pretending that it's not ending

And let the end begin.

please don't stay in touch

2010-12-02T04:22:00.003+08:00

Oh my God. What do you want? And no, do not act like you are the only one who cares. Don't do that anymore please. You have tricked me into believing that and look where I am now? Fuck you. Don't blame me for being envious. Yes, news flash. I'm not made of stone. I have got feelings too.

You tell me all the time you don't mind. You butter me up with all these colourful words, and call it honest. You tell me you're gonna be there through it all and then you throw me a 360 degree mood swing and expect me to be okay with it. What do you take me for? Stupid?

I may regret saying these things, I may not. At least I know that even if I do, it's only because I feel bad. Only because I actually am not heartless.

Don't tell me you care anymore. I'd rather not know.

2010-11-26T22:11:00.002+08:00

Current location: Mahooz, Bahrain

It's been 2 days now, and I think I am beginning to digest the fact that I'll be here for 1 month plus. So there is no need to rush. I will need to believe that this is my lifestyle. This is how it will be for awhile. Not too sure if my body clock has gotten used to the time difference because I'd get really sleepy by the time it's 12am here in Bahrain. Weird, seeing how I could be up all night in Sg and not feel even a tinge of sleepiness.

Anyway, been hitting the gym and I really hope it pays off. My body's aching. But I think that's a good sign, right? :/

2010-11-17T01:15:00.002+08:00

Currently reading this now.

Great Escapes, 500 unforgettable travel experiences.

I'll hopefully get to to experience at least 1 out of these 500. Reading about living in a treehouse in Italy now. How you'll wake up in the morning, reminded that you're 8metres above the ground when breakfast arrives via a pulley.

*hyperventilates*

2010-11-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

9 more days. And you don't care.

2010-11-13T09:23:00.001+08:00

Today, this morning, about 2 hours ago, I woke up with an ache in my heart. And you know what's worse? My heart didn't question the ache. It was as though it had already expected the ache to be there, or that it has gotten used to it being there.

What are you doing to me?

2010-11-13T01:09:00.003+08:00

13th November 2010

Hi Dinah,

Happy Birthday love. So much I'd like to say, but.. It wouldn't be appropriate for a 'birthday' entry. Haha. Please enjoy yourself.

I love you babe, and you know it. ;)

2010-11-09T19:24:00.000+08:00

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

—	Steve Jobs

the day i lost my voice

2010-11-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

It's not always about cash Dad, it really does go beyond that. At least for me it does.

2010-11-03T18:21:00.001+08:00

How did we get here? I used to know you so well.

note to self

2010-11-01T19:58:00.002+08:00

Study for exam on Nov 9th
Spend time with whoever necessary till the 23rd
Leave for Bahrain/Cairo (24th Nov- 6th Jan)
Complete GP essay, presentation
Resit for freaking O's
Do my degree

2010-10-31T02:28:00.000+08:00

Baby you don't know what it's like, to love somebody, the way I love you.

2010-10-29T23:31:00.005+08:00

I caught The Social Network earlier today. And this entry is of offence to especially you. I really don't understand how one can get so affected by the movie. Yes there's a lot of backstabbing towards the existence of Facebook. But that happens every day in our lives. Isn't that how we survive each day? We trample over the weak to get to the top. How the hell do you think your boss got to being a boss in the first place? Luck? Coincidence? Bullfuckingcrap.

Simple scenario lah okay... You're sitting for an exam, and how you fair in this exam would determine the rest of your (teenage?) life. The person beside you is nudging you, asking you for the answer to this question you already know the answer to. But because you know how much acing the paper means to you, you begin to feel like telling this person your answer wouldn't be the best idea. So you refuse to help this person. You saved your own ass didn't you? Isn't that selfish as well?

I kinda forgot what I wanted to drive at, but if you got my point somewhere between those lines above, then good for you. Simply said, don't you judge me, and say I'm heartless simply because I think there is nothing wrong with being selfish. Damn right I think there's nothing wrong with being selfish. You know why I think so? Because humans, we have not learnt the art of appreciating selflessness.

I guess in life being ruthless does have its benefits. Go ahead. Be an asshole and start speaking like you're such a Saint. No, really.. roll in your own puddle of denial. I shall watch you from afar. And when the time comes, don't be surprised when I walk right up to you, shove my finger in your face, and tell you, "I told you so."

EAT THIS.

2010-10-29T23:31:00.001+08:00

I collect the words you say to me and wear them on a string around my neck, close to the pulse in my throat, the thump of my heart.

2010-10-26T00:14:00.002+08:00

So I was with my friend earlier today and we got to talking about almost everything under the Sun. Even how long it takes for a lady to reach an orgasm. Anyway, we have officially come to a decision whereby, there's really no telling between what's wrong and what's right. The person who follows the rule book will think everything's "frowned upon" and the lawbreaker would of course, not know of any boundaries. Then obviously there's the person who's in the middle, who has a balance of whats wrong and whats right. If you're one of those.. then wow. Good for you.

But you and I both know that, not all of us are similar. Not all of us would do everything correctly. Not everyone of us would screw everything up.

Then we go all the way back to the same thing. Who the fuck's to say what's wrong and what's right? A very debatable statement I must agree, but till you can point out to me who's able to differentiate these two without messing things up.... I'm sticking to my point of view.

Goodnight.

2010-10-22T17:21:00.001+08:00

What may seem like common sense to you, may not be to others. Sadly.

2010-10-19T13:39:00.002+08:00

Honestly? Yea, honestly. I no longer know what I'm feeling. I no longer know what I'm feeling for you. I am so close to the edge.. I'm already so close, but you're still pushing me. Stop please. I do not deserve to be in such uncertainty.

Stop. And come home.

2010-10-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

Astaghfirullahaladzim. Rimas nya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-10T01:11:00.002+08:00

When some things finally come together and fall into place, some things divide and fall out of place. I am at a stage of my life where I understand how important it is to have a plan. My mistake? I never did have a plan. I am going to spend the last year of being a 'teen' planning for my future. Anyone who are also at this stage of your life and are interested, you are more than welcomed to follow suit.

I am such a mess right now. So disoriented. Living my life just as a this post was written; without a fucking plan. Worse still, I logged in to Blogger initially with a different intention. See what happens when you're not a planner? You only remember where you begin... and are clueless about where/when to end.

I quit. NOT.

2010-10-07T21:15:00.001+08:00

I feel so empty.

2010-09-18T12:01:00.003+08:00

This one night about a year back, I was standing at the beach, it was such a clear night that it just really made me feel tiny. With the grand scheme of things, everything was in perspective all of a sudden. And I almost stepped outside of my body and I could just see how small I am. And how insignificant all these things I've been worrying about, are. I would give anything to relive that night. I want so badly to be reminded of how unimportant all these thoughts in my head are.

And on the night that I relive that moment, I will decide to take more control of my life.

2010-09-16T00:35:00.003+08:00

I just watched my dad frantically trying to remove a pen stain from his white shirt. And I don't know what it is, but all I felt like doing at that point of time was to go over and give him a hug. He looked worried, he looked helpless. It's sad how only an incident as such would remind me how he isn't just my father. How he isn't just the sole breadwinner in the family, who has to provide and keep a shelter above our heads. He's human. He has emotions, too. So why, why are we all expecting so much out of him?

Is it even fair of us to expect so much out of 1 person?

2010-09-14T22:13:00.002+08:00

Is it really happening? Is what I've dreaded all this while taking place?

Are we ignoring what we should be working on instead?

I need answers. I need answers now.

2010-09-06T23:22:00.002+08:00

If the mole is on the front of the neck, it signifies unexpected good fortune. If it is on either side of the neck, it indicates an unreasonable temperament. A mole on the back of the neck indicates a persons desire to lead a simple life.

A mole on any part of the hip except the buttocks signifies that these people are contented, resilient and spirited.

Moles on arms indicate that the person is polite, diligent and will lead a happy married life. If mole is near the elbow, the man will need to struggle in life, and might also become a young widower. If the woman has the same characteristics, however, her problems relate to her occupation.

People with a mole on foot are easy going and laid back. They need to exercise to stay healthy. (HAHAHA TRUE STORY)

People with a mole on lips always aspire to get ahead in life.

off the top of my head

2010-09-06T04:47:00.003+08:00

1) the weather today has been awesome

2) raya is nearing

3) i haven't laughed much this weekend

4) but the ^above mentioned^ tragedy ended today all thanks to Dinah ;)

5) i enjoy running at 4am

6) especially if it's drizzling/raining

7) i'm fat

8) but i know i'm blessed

9) i miss seeing my hair brown or whatever colour it was initially

10) nithya if you're reading this, where you at girl?

11) ali called someone Blacky in an attempt to be fierce, so silly

12) my sister's coming in 15 days but don't tell anyone cs no one's supposed to know

13) my eyelids are getting heavy

14) bestfriend's starting school tomorrow, another dream come true for you baby

15) ali's exams start tomorrow

16) i'm involved in neither but i'm as excited/anxious as ever

17) imma have slices of chocolate bread + green tea for sahur later

18) note to self: do squats

19) must clean roooom!!!!!!!!!!!!

20) go get them sexy mamasita shoes before your size runs out you lazy pig

21) facebook ruins lives, true story

22) i have three sayangs: my D90, my lap top, and my tv

23) 3rd sayang is of course heavily subjected to changes

24) i should probably start sahur-ing now

25) goodnight babies, or good morning rather xx

2010-09-05T19:41:00.001+08:00

The moment I hear this song, in an instant, I'll be so damn excited for Raya.

2010-09-01T23:33:00.002+08:00

Ok so my brother just said I'm getting fatter. And he doesn't lie about these kinda things. Things that make me unhappy/bring me down especially.

Note to self: Sleep early, get up at 4, go for a morning run.

it doesn't take a scientist to figure me out

2010-08-31T05:14:00.002+08:00

1) the colour of the sky when it's 6:50am

2) the smell of coffee

3) receiving an 'i miss you' text

4) mother taking note of my favourite soup spoon

5) waking up on time

6) to love

7) to be loved

8) smelling like strawberries after shower

9) flavoured smoke

10) green tea

11) uncle toby's

12) hearing a love song on radio

13) watching Glee

14) laughing

2010-08-30T05:29:00.001+08:00

I really think that the lesser I know, the lesser I hurt. The lesser I look, the more secure I feel. So be it. If that is how I will feel better about myself, about everything, then that is what I'll do.

Game over. You win.

2010-08-28T15:43:00.001+08:00

I.don't.know.anymore.

2010-08-27T23:55:00.002+08:00

I could make you happy

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

Heavy, too heavy

2010-08-26T05:58:00.005+08:00

I no longer know what I should tell myself, or if I even should be telling myself anything at all. Guess whatever happens down the road is meant to be. Blame it on fate? I would hate so much to leave it to fate. But, that would be my best bet. Worse thing is just like the picture, I'm neither in Heaven or on Earth. I'm by myself, that I know. But where am I exactly, I have no idea. I wished I knew.. or maybe deep inside I wished I didn't.

Who is to say anyway right? Even I can't figure out what I want anymore.

2010-08-25T16:23:00.001+08:00

2010-08-24T14:50:00.000+08:00

Meeting them in............... 4 hours.

Helllloooo laughter!

2010-08-23T20:10:00.002+08:00

So today, I had another one of those moments. A moment where your brain suddenly jams up and then your eyes just start welling up. And very unhelpfully your mind chooses to put further emphasis on issues in your life which can be better/has gone wrong/you don't have answers to. Even if before that you weren't thinking of anything negative, at that moment, everything you've done seems wrong. Everything seems not good enough. Then you start asking yourself if it was all your fault, if you were the cause of things going wrong. Of course, you won't have an answer to that because that's just how it works. You keep repeating the questions till your brain exhausts itself looking for the right answers. That's when a happy thought hops right back into your mind, and the dark clouds which just a moment ago were looming above your head, are chased away. The sun shines again bla bla bla. But at the back of your head, that question mark remains, and whenever necessary it will occur to you once again as an unanswered qualm.

The ambiguity stays. It's still right here sitting in my head, and I am not anywhere near satisfied. Was/is it my fault?

2010-08-23T00:45:00.004+08:00

“When people ask me how they can become a photographer, I almost never mention cameras, lenses, or technique. I say, ‘If you want to be a photographer, first leave home.’ As Paul Theroux, a great writer and friend, further advises, “Go as far as you can. Become a stranger in a strange land. Acquire humility. Leaving home really means that the photographer (or writer) has to wander, observe, and to paraphrase Theroux, concentrate on people in their landscape. That is what I try to achieve in my pictures.”

I've been reading travel blogs, looking at pictures of places around the globe, and reading back packer stories. Only God knows what damage that has done to my brain. Boy have I been corrupted. But really, I'm sick of sitting in my bedroom and watching the world pass me by. Yes that sounds like a line from some cheesy love song but it's true! What's worse, the pictures!! I'm sick of taking pictures which are of the same genre every single time. Singapore's small, and I've accepted that fact. But fuck it. I really need to start travelling.

If I do not manage to see the world before I get married (if ever that is) I think I will be an unhappy bride. I kid you not.

Damn I feel crappy.

2010-08-21T23:23:00.002+08:00

To live for the future, or to live for the moment?

You decide.

Because I think we are beginning to be on different pages.

2010-08-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

1) I knew it was too good to be true

2) I feel a very bad sore throat coming up

3) Hate hate hate short-lived happiness

2010-08-14T15:20:00.001+08:00

You don’t let people in. It’s hard for you and once you do you don’t want to let them go and when they fuck up you’re like “Why did you do that to me? I gave you my feelings. I did everything for you, and you screwed me over.”

2010-08-13T23:20:00.002+08:00

That's when you know you've found someone really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence.

2010-08-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

Then she says, 'I love you'. Like three drops of blood falling onto snow.

2010-08-12T23:55:00.000+08:00

Flavoured smoke. Yummy.

2010-08-12T17:55:00.001+08:00

All men are the same.

**Until proven otherwise

2010-08-12T16:26:00.001+08:00

There are two kinds of love. In the safe kind you look for someone who’s exactly like you. It’s what most folks settle for. But then there’s the other kind of love. Everyone’s born with a ragged edge, and some folks crave that piece that’s a perfect fit. You’ll search for it forever, if you have to. And if you’re lucky enough to find it, it looks so right, you start to tear at your own seams, thinking, maybe I could look just as perfect. But then, of course, when you try to get close to their other half, you don’t fit anymore. That kind of love.. you come out of it a different person than you were when you started.

— Jodi Picoult

2010-08-11T20:04:00.001+08:00

Feeling super inspired right now to do this for my room. Hmm.

2010-08-11T05:13:00.001+08:00

"You light up a room with your smile and laughter, and people gravitate to you because of your joyfulness. You love life and get excited about all it has to offer. You love to cheer people up and give them encouragement when they are down. Your bubbly personality and genuine smile brighten up peoples' day. Your positive attitude helps lighten up those who take life too seriously. You know how to have fun, let loose, be spontaneous. Be it life's greatest experiences or just the small simple details of life, you soak it all up and it inspires everyone around you."

I'm liking the sound of this.

2010-08-11T00:18:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Sweetheart...

Your birthday falls on such a special day this year. May all the goodness of this holy month be passed unto you too. I'm so glad everything's going on fine for you. And that you're happy. Bus 95 again, soon. Love you Rashy.

Xx

2010-08-06T17:50:00.002+08:00

But uh oh, I love her because she moves in her own way

today

2010-08-06T01:11:00.003+08:00

Today, I went to the beach.
Today, I made 2 new friends.
Today, I confirmed that each heart isn't entitled to love one person, and one person only.
Today, I noticed that there's nothing embarrassing about falling down. You just get the fuck up.
Today, I opened a new door. A door for myself, finally.

Today, you made me second guess myself again.
Today, you made me ask myself if you're out to hurt me.
Today, you made me wish I was prettier and everything I'm not.
Today, you made me feel so shallow.
Today, you said you loved me. But, do you really?

But I guess all that isn't important because today, I smiled.
Today, I laughed.. Alot.
Today, I was happy.

2010-08-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

I guess, as hard as I try, I will never be on par with "the others" huh?

2010-07-31T00:10:00.001+08:00

Hey world, meet Dinah.

2010-07-31T00:00:00.003+08:00

I am a well guarded individual. So many walls you'd have to break into. To pass through. But when you do get past all of them, you would understand why this being is so fragile. You would then understand how very little confidence she has in herself. You would then understand then why she would need a figure who's much stronger than she is.

I am not difficult to decipher. But in order to understand me, you will have to understand yourself.

It's not me. It's you.
Actually, you know what? It was never me.

2010-07-29T05:40:00.002+08:00

I'm awake and pretty hyper. Clearing out my room for me new sexy. I mean, TV.

stuck in my head

2010-07-29T03:12:00.002+08:00

2010-07-24T03:53:00.000+08:00

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it
Well, can you feel it?

2010-07-24T01:30:00.000+08:00

Stop.being.so.fucking.insecure.Natasha.

2010-07-23T02:14:00.000+08:00

I need someone to tell me everything is going to work out. Slow me down. I need someone to assure me that the dreams spinning around in this creative mind of mine will, in actuality, come to life. Talk to me, you dreamers out there. I know I am not the only one. Just tell me it's the world, not me. It's the cruel, harsh winds of this place throwing my balance off. It's the pool of whispers of the hopeless, the curses, and cries from the lonely. It's not me. Tell me it's not me. I wake up to legs tangled in these warm sheets and I stare off towards my dresser and repeat to myself. It does not have to be anything more than what it is. It does not have to be anything more than what it is. But we will make it more. We will build this city of dreams and have a picnic on the highest hill our desires had painted. I'll feel your finger tips brush my hand, and I'll look over at you. I will meet the eyes of my dream, I will meet you. I will experience you first hand, first touch. First kiss. I will live you. My dream, come to life.

2010-07-22T00:23:00.001+08:00

kan ni na bu/kan ni na bu chao chee bye:

The rudest phrase of all. The weapon in the arsenal of Hokkien swearing. Use only if you wish to be beaten up or if you want people to think you were raised in a longkang. Literally: "Fuck your mother/Fuck your mother's smelly cunt."

2010-07-20T04:41:00.001+08:00

It was not my intention to feel this way.

But after understanding where I stood in your life made me stumble upon a thought.

I have done all I could to show you that I really do love you alot.

I just want to know how worthy I am to you.

Now is not the time to be feeling down or fret about anything.

Now is the time to prove.

Now is the time to make me feel good about us, to make sure that I am the One, to show that I am needed.

For now is truly the time for you to win my heart once again.

2010-07-20T03:43:00.002+08:00

Something's happening to me.

Constantly thinking about stuff which isn't even supposed to matter, constantly feeling insecure, constantly second-guessing myself. What's this feeling, what's it called? Is it deadly? I hardly let my guard down.. So what is this emotion which is taking a toll on my insides? Turning everything into a mess, letting everything run out of tune. Fuck.

2010-07-16T18:57:00.002+08:00

"If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you."

dream catch me

2010-07-15T02:49:00.001+08:00

boys

2010-07-14T01:52:00.003+08:00

Because as tough and unaffected I may seem, I'm still human. You can be such a knucklehead sometimes. Ergh I need to watch Friends.

you're talking shit again

2010-07-14T01:41:00.002+08:00

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Lets just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God were gonna get it right
If you lay your weapons down

Unmeasurable

2010-07-02T15:14:00.002+08:00

hap·py [hap-ee]
–adjective, -pi·er, -pi·est.

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.

2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.

3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.

Happy. We use this word all the time. "I'm so happy to see you!", "I'm so happy to have you in my life.", "I met a hot chick last night, I'm so fucking happy." And the list goes on.. But really, what does it take to be happy? I mean watching the Sun rise/set makes me happy, but not everybody feels the same way right? So how.. How does one define happy. How does one know or learn to be happy.

On one side of my tiny little world I have people claiming they are so happy, their lips are cracking from all the smiling. And then the other side, are telling me how much life sucks. Again it all boils down to the same thing. How can happiness or sadness be measured. There's no Richter Scale of any sort to tell you what's okay and what's not.

I've realised that sometimes to be happy, you've got to be selfish. And I have come to terns with that. I don't mind being selfish because it doesn't pay to be selfless. Trust me. Well unless of course being selfless makes you happy. Then I'll feel extremely sorry for you.. Otherwise, be selfish. Reality has shown me that selfish people are the happiest at the end of the day.