indigestion

I've been flying solo for a few days now, and I've had too much time to spend by myself. It sucks when I have too much time in my hands - it just makes me think so much. I begin to think about everything unnecessary, generate them into something negative and then fret over it. I'll place myself in worst case scenarios that my head makes up just to further disturb me. Now, I really don't know if I ever got through to you, or will I ever?

I'm sipping my iced mocha at costa coffee in some foreign land as I type this. And as I type, I'm worrying even more. I've been thinking about my future too. And really, what am I doing about it? Am I submerging myself in redundant commitments, am I tying my feeble self down with too many unanswered questions, am I being grateful at all? Nobody said growing up was easy, but it can't be this difficult either right?

I've made a deal with myself. There's no way my future will be ruined in the name of puppy love, or in the name of wealth (pfftt if that ever comes into the picture). I am the only kid left for Ibu and Daddy to thoroughly rejoice over, and I shall not spoil that. Once school starts, that will be it. I will make that the best time of my life. I can't wait for August to come. Well partly cs there'll be a short getaway with them cousins to KL. Hehehehe. I will make sure that I love 2009. I already am in love with this year anyways. Almost literally. Nyeahahaha.

Let's just say a few days back a certain someone made me see how very insignificant I could be in your life, and that is a tiny part of why I'm worrying so much. This is the 2nd best thing that has happened to me, and it would kill me if anything happened. I'd hate to be in paranoid city most of the time.. but I cannot help it sometimes. I've been the happiest since the first time I saw you. You're already in my bloodstream. So please, stay.

in 5-6 years

Don't stray, don't ever go away

I should be much too smart for this

You know it gets the better of me

Sometimes, when you and I collide

I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time

Don't let me drown, let me down

I say it's all because of you

And here I go, losing my control

I'm practicing your name

So I can say it to your face

It doesn't seem right to look you in the eye.

Let all the things you mean to me

Come tumbling out my mouth

Indeed it's time to tell you why

I say it's infinitely true

Say you'll stay, don't come and go like you do

Sway my way, yeah

I need to know all about you

And there's no cure and no way to be sure

Why everything's turned inside out

Instilling so much doubt

It makes me so tired, I feel so uninspired

My head is battling with my heart

My logic has been torn apart

And now it all turns sour

Come sweeten every afternoon

Bahrain Day 1

In my sister's kitchen right now, with my lappy. Playing songs, introducing her to Yuna, Zee Avi, Stateless and what not. Haha I miss this. It's been so long since we were this random. It's only been my 1st day here and I've already spent 15 BD = SGD 60. I am so dead. I still have 13 days here.. looks like I'll have to wait for my pay and my pocket money to be transferred into me measly account :'(

Other than that, all is well. The weather is unbearably hot. It's hot, not warm. I am already slightly home sick all thanks to Love. Thank God I've got internet connection here. Happy happy happy! But still the time difference doesn't help. Watching her fry nuggets now whilst listening to The Fray. Gonna watch Drag Me to Hell once she's done frying.

Update again soon, hopefully with pictures.

2 weeks

Hi, I'm leaving for Bahrain in 8 hours. And I will be away for 2 weeks. I'll finally be able to "live" with my sister again. The pillar of strength I've missed for such a long time. Now we'll get to laugh at anything and everything, just like how we used to. Now I'll get to scream, "Kakak" from one end of a room to the other. And I will get to spill all of my secrets to you. I can't wait to see you.

Sucks how the past week couldn't be dedicated to spending time with you. Responsibilities are just a pain in the arse. I will miss you so much, just as it was, we were separated for a good week. And now, another 2.

such babies

I have tried to ignore the very fact that there was history between the both of you. Yes surely everyone shares a story but no, not everyone shares a story like yours. What the hell were you thinking when you said all that to her? No seriously, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

I have no idea who I should be mad at now because obviously none of you deserve my respect. And excuse me if I earnestly claim that I am the only one who is allowed to get angry here. I am the only one who should be sulking, and throwing a bitch fit all at the same fucking time. Hah fyi, I do not swear.

What are the both of you doing trying to find a spot to fit your asses in? The one thing that you two are arguing over, is the one thing I have been happiest about in a long longgg time. No, I cannot accept the fact that you are fucking fighting over my better half. I mean rrreaaalllyyyyy, why argue and kill each other when in the end I am STILL the only one who's gonna be stuck with him?

Cut your crap and shut up already. Quit trying to make a scene and get attention. And oh my god don't, just DON'T get me started on how you shouldn't be hanging out at his friend's place in the middle of the night just to "hang out". I am patient, I am not stupid.

I AM NO PUSHOVER. SO, UP YOURS!

roman soldier

I'm coming back here.

I seriously don't see why I will never fail to find LJ unfriendly after awhile. It just doesn't get me inspired to blog, hence the long absence. I've had so much to say but after so long, you just no longer think it's important you know?

I'm playing Typing Maniac on FB now, I'm pretty much addicted. I don't understand how there can be people who are so good at it. And I thought I had no problem with my typing. Pfft. I have no idea why I'm not asleep. It's the longest day of the week tomorrow and here I am choosing not to rest my fingers. Ok yes that was lame. I'm becoming more like Chandler. I've been watching so much of Friends on my lappy that I even dream of all of them. How sick is that.

Alright the last day of my course tomorrow, and then Bahrain here I come baby! But 2 weeks. Damn I'll miss so many people :(

Moved.

http://junkfruitz.livejournal.com/

Jmz

The talk tonight was good. It's as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am glad I didn't hold back anything and said what I wanted to. I feel so refreshed now.. I feel like I am me again. Knowing for sure what you want, and what you expect has always been on the top of my itinerary. I've waited so long to hear what you had to say. And it was all I imagined it to be. Not one word out of place, not an expectation crushed. Looking at how you drew a mindmap last week simply to lay it all out for me to see, I couldn't have been more tickled. But I know now how deeply you've thought into things. And guilty as charged, I should have given you more credit for the person that you are, and have been.

I am awfully aware of my flaws. I am aware that I am not your best bet. But because you have chosen me, I shall no longer judge. You might doubt your decision a few years down the road (yes I'm talking years here). But, come what may, I will always try. What happens along the way, God forbids, if things take a left turn, bear in mind that the solution is never to give up. However, negativity aside. I see a happy ending.. Insya Allah.

I am off to read Breaking Dawn now. And for every description of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, I can finally substitute Edward to being you. And Bella, me. Muahaha I'm sleeping tight tonight.

So tell me baby; are you happy?

i never thought..

"So you gotta take the good with the bad, the happy and the sad, or will you bring the better future than I had in the past? 'Cause i dont want to make the same mistakes I did. I dont wanna fall back on my face again.

I'll admit it, i was scared to answer loves' call. And if it hits, better make it worth the fall."

3-1

Was watching the match between my babies and Arse-nal a few days back at Faras'. Snapped some pictures. Haha long overdue, but here they are:

A huge thank you to Fara dear. For her hospitality, keropok, Red Bull (gives you wiiiiings!), her adorable baby sister, her ever so random antics and the Star World cum MTV session after the match. Oh and most importantly for staying up with me till 530am. Hahaha thanks so much babe. Love you!

cause we had it, we was magic

"we were never meant to be, baby we just happened"

baby ray

Hi.

I think I've found the love of my life hahaha.

I'm an aunt, I'm an aunt, I'm an aunt!

Everyone, say hello to Baby Arash Rayhan.

D.O.B: 07.05.09
Weight: 2.7kg
Height: 48cm

Welcome to the world, love.

Ok I've been away long enough. Haha. Nothing much has been happening. Just usual get together(s). To make sure all is well amongst everyone. Next up, secondary school mates. Plus! Haszirah and Haszriah's 18th. Meeting Farahima in say.. 3 hours time. She's the only girlfriend who's as in love with Man-U as I am. Finally!! Gonna watch the match at her place later on. Woo! Anyways, pictures:

Zilch

Because it doesn't matter even if you had everything.

Cherries

Looking forward to the chalet with them cousins this weekend. Other than that, I will not allow you to spoil my happy days. Until you come crawling back for attention.

Warmest Regards,
Natasha Shahril